I hate waking up to the sound of the garbage truck. Inevitability, what follows is the sickening realization that it’s Thursday and, once again, I forgot to put out the bin. Three weeks in a row. The contents of the bin are truly too horrid to describe — especially after being exposed to 100 degree heat for nearly a month. The backyard is going to be like Disneyland for vermin if I don’t get that bin to that truck.
I flung open the front door and stepped out to assess the situation. Indeed, the garbage men were right there. So close, in fact, that one looked at me all cock-eyed because I’m sure I looked crazed. I spun around, bolted through the house and beat it out the backdoor. Backyard Kitty was there to block me. She had no food or water and, as far as she was concerned, I was not getting past her. She tried to take me out going down the deck steps, but I leaped over her. I cornered the decked, got to the gate, unlocked it (pull the pin, slide the bolt, puuusssssh the door), moved the recycling bin, grabbed the garbage bin and took off in pursuit of the garbage truck. I couldn’t go between my neighbor’s truck and my car, no room. I opted to squeeze between my car and half-dead magnolia bush. I ran over those cute yellow and pink flowers — sorry, little fellas. I jumped the curb and hit the blacktop running. I was in open air. I could really fly now.
The garbage men were already five houses down. They’re an efficient bunch. The Cock-Eyed Garbage Man spotted me first. Here was this pudgy chick with red curls sprung out wildly all over her head (even standing straight up, I’m proud to say), pulling a garbage bin that is practically as tall as she is. Seriously, it’s as tall as my shoulders. So I’m running down the street, trying to keep my pj bottoms up. I made the unfortunate choice to wear the roomy pj bottoms last night. The legs extend past my toes and, even as I walk around the house, I have to keep tugging at the waist to keep them up. And, now, here I am running past the neighbors in all my glory.
The garbage man couldn’t help but laugh. “I had to catch you,” I told him. “I keep forgetting to put the bin out,” I explained. “It smells awful!” we all agreed. (And you know it’s disgusting when the garbage men are impressed.) One garbage man caught the giggles so bad that he snorted. “Do you want us to start honking the horn when we come by your house,” he asked. “Can you do that?!?!,” I gasped. “No. It was a joke.” he deadpanned. “Besides, this was funny. We need to do it again.” he chuckled. And with that, they were off…