Bluebird Down

The pursuit of domestic bliss, one glorious debacle at a time.

Intruders Be Warned August 5, 2011

Z's embarrassed of the yellow magazine. Don't judge him.


The kids in our neighborhood are getting restless. There has been a rash of car break-ins recently and an attempted home invasion. One night not long ago a young man knocked on a front door at 10 o’clock at night. The owners didn’t answer [because in the South, no one visits or calls after dark]. The boy went around to the back of the house, unscrewed the light bulb in the porch light and tried to kick in the back door. The owners scared him off and called the police. Reportedly, the police arrived 20 minutes later and didn’t take a report. Our rabid neighborhood watch is going nuts. Don’t try to outsmart a bunch of old Special Forces guys. Things will get real in a hurry.

Z and I were talking about the attempted break-in over breakfast. Z said he would get anyone that broke in our house. That’s dumb, I said. He looked up from his bowl of Fiber One and went on a rant. I’ve heard it all before. When I asked him if he wouldn’t feel bad for hurting a kid, he said let that be a lesson to his friends. It gave me a headache trying to reconcile what I was hearing.

Z and I have opposing views on gun control. We basically vote down party lines. My opinions about automatic weapons make him groan in disgust. His opinions on concealed carry make me think I’ve married a nut. I can tolerate it because Z is a fanatic about gun safety and the weapons stay out of sight. It lets me live in my Happy Place where guns don’t exist.

Z insisted that we go to the gun range today so I could practice. No, I’m not going, I said. He persisted. Z doesn’t get adamant about much, but he was adamant that I practice with a pistol. I fumed the entire way to the range. In one respect, I get that, if there are guns in the house, you should know how to properly handle them. It would be ironic if someone did break into our house and harmed me when I had a means to protect myself within reach. On the other hand, I honestly can’t see myself doing it. When I lived alone, and in highly suspect areas, I kept my old aluminum softball bat under my bed. I know, rock-paper-scissors, a bat is no competition for a gun. Then again, if you get close enough, I could smack your eardrum into the next county. I mean, I didn’t get married until I was 37 years old. That means I dated for 20 long, hard years. I have enough repressed rage in me that I’m pretty sure I can unleash a wild fury on any man trying to hurt me. He’d cry then he’d call his momma to apologize for being a problem child. Who needs a gun with those skills?


We won't talk about the ones that aren't on the target.


Z went easy on me and only had me shoot one magazine from each pistol. Z refreshed my memory on how to load the magazine, turn on — and off! — the safety, and line up the sites. The 1911 was the heaviest and easiest to shoot. I actually hit the bull’s eye with that one. The Glock 34 was lighter, but I wasn’t as accurate. I still hit the target though. The Glock 19 was a beast to shoot. It was the smallest and lightest and I couldn’t hit a barn with it. Well, I hit six shots in the target [barely] and six outside of the target. If I try to shoot someone in the foot, he’s definitely going to get it in the liver. Sorry, Mr. Intruder.


Policing the "brass" from the cheapy Russian practice ammo.


Really Liking: The Help by Kathryn Stockett

Training Log: Yesterday I cycled and ran. The hip/foot affliction seems to be gone. Had my first migraine in three months today, so slept about six hours this afternoon. Back to cycling and running tomorrow.


2 Responses to “Intruders Be Warned”

  1. SJohnson Says:

    I have taught my wife to empty the magazine if she ever has to use her weapon. She might not hit them but they won’t stay around to see if her aim gets any better. Nothing in the house is worth more than her and the boy. Anything she shoots holes in can be replaced or kept for an interesting conversation piece.

    What you need is a dog. Criminals will leave a house with a dog inside alone to go for one without a dog. We have an eightty five pound sheppard that doesn’t like people, and barely tolerates me being in the house. On the other hand if anyone tryies to get in the house or mess with the wife and boy she will tear them up. When my father in law was picking with the boy, tickling him and he started to laugh and yell. Our sheppard thought he was hurting the boy and went after him. Luckily, we got to her before she got to him.

    Get a dog, perferably a big barking biting dog. Don’t let the kids in the neighborhood play with it, don’t tell the neighbors it won’t bite and don’t take it to the dog park to get use to all the other dogs in the neighborhood. Keep it close and treat it well and it will protect you.

    • Teri Says:

      You know, you have a pretty good point about unloading the clip even if you don’t hit anything. That might be a fair compromise. Now if I could just teach my dog to be mean… [I’m gonna need a new dog.]

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